Florida’s Retiree Candy Store Is Open

Oh, the horror! According to doomsayers Florida’s retiree dream is dead. Crushed under skyrocketing property taxes, HOA fees so steep they fund secret space programs, and utility bills that could power a small country. 

The “Great Florida Exodus” is upon us, with retirees fleeing the Sunshine State for the promised lands of South Carolina and Tennessee. Cue the violins.

But let’s pop the bubble on this melodrama with a dose of reality: Florida’s still a retiree’s utopia, and the panic is just a bad script trying to scare seniors into states where the only entertainment is watching paint dry on a barn.

Naysayers swear property taxes and HOA fees make Florida’s no-income-tax perk a cruel joke. Oh, please. That tax-free paradise is like hitting the jackpot every April 15.

New Yorkers are hocking family heirlooms to pay state taxes, but in Ocala, retirees sip margaritas in homes 15% cheaper than the national average. The 2024 Council for Community and Economic Research Cost of Living Index lays it bare: Florida’s overall COLI is a comfy 102.8, while Ocala’s a steal at 91.

Meanwhile, Tennessee’s sales taxes gnaw your Social Security like termites. South Carolina’s “low costs”? They come with potholes big enough to eat your golf cart.

Rewind to the 1970s, when inflation hit Florida like a rogue wave. Home prices leapt from $50,000 to $90,000, utility bills stung, and Hurricane David (1979) sent insurance premiums into orbit.

Retirees on fixed pensions clutched their pearls, with media wailing that Florida was pricing out seniors, pushing them toward rural Georgia or North Carolina. Sound familiar?

Yet, by 1986, Florida’s retiree population hit 2 million. Social Security’s new cost-of-living adjustments (1975) kept wallets afloat, and the state’s no-income-tax policy stretched pensions like taffy. Retirees flocked to affordable spots like Port St. Lucie, while places like The Villages bloomed with cheap homes and 700 golf holes for pocket change. History laughed at the naysayers, and Florida’s retiree crown shone brighter than ever.

Then there’s the starry-eyed hype for other states. Charleston, SC, sparkles—until you see property prices so high you’d need to sell your grandkids’ future for a broom closet. Tennessee’s dirt-cheap, sure. Good luck finding a doctor who doesn’t double as the town vet.

Florida’s 55+ gems like The Villages, though? Retiree Disneylands, serving golf courses, pickleball, and Medicare clinics like a never-ending buffet. Trading Florida for states where the big event is a barn dance? That’s like swapping a yacht for a dinghy.

Skittish snowbirds selling? Hallelujah! That’s record inventory for a retiree candy (and cheap land) store. Florida’s will not lose its silver-haired stars; it’s rolling out the red carpet for bargain-hunting boomers. It’s where you retire like royalty, no soul-selling needed.